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How To Escape Your Overfeeding Relatives This Diwali - Feature

How To Escape Overfeeding Relatives

A Comic Diwali Guide

Shubh | October 28, 2016

Cartoons  Indian Culture  Indian Festivals  

There’s many things that make us proud to be Indian – our rich heritage, cinema, Kapil Dev and our invention of various mathematical concepts. Speaking of which, how many of us can solve this equation?

Indian food + large families = ________. Take a moment and think about it. Ok chalo, your moment is up! Here’s the correct answer:

Indian food + large families = OVERFEEDING RELATIVES!

We’ve all been there at some point – sitting at the plastic-covered dining table, having food piled onto our plates and answering questions about marriage plans.

Questions and food seem to pile on together, with an occasional comment of, “you’re not eating anything…! Here take another poori…”

You try to resist but the words fail to come out from your rice-stuffed mouth. So, here are 8 ways to survive overfeeding relatives. Because when their love begins to overflow … so does your stomach.

diwali_pakoda

Hide the food in your pockets

Still have that pair of cameo-print cargos? Use those pockets and ammo up with those pooris. The oil stains will be the victorious wounds of your battle. Plus they’ll just add more cameo-prints.

 

diwali_chai

Say you’re unwell

“I have stomach flu, so I can’t eat too much…” is a sentence that may work. Or you may end up having to eat freshly prepared khichdi, with glistening layers of ghee. You know… for energy and health.

diwali_vegetarian
I’m vegan

Sure, this may invite a few awkward stares (and even questions), but this would rule out majority of the dishes. Then you would be the antisocial one enjoying crunch-time with microwaved papadums.

 

 

diwali_chubby-bunny
Play chubby bunny

Use those buccal pouches! Chew and store that excessive chapati in your cheeks. If they ask, say you’re having an allergic reaction. Maybe then they’ll stop … right after pinching your golu molu cheeks.

 

diwali_food-exchange

Find an ally

Sit next to that cousin – the one with a great appetite. They’ll probably understand your pain and relieve you of it. Have your own little food exchange.

 

diwali_stomach-1

 

Say you’re on a diet

Dieting-vyting can raise a few eyebrows from aunty-jis, followed by a critical analysis of “this generation”. But it will give you the upper hand on controlling what goes onto your plate AND in what quantities.

diwali_mr-bean

 

 

 

Take inspiration from Mr Bean

Channel the episode when he ordered steak tartare. Shove those spongy rasmalais into any cavities you find – the flower jar, under your plate, salt and pepper shakers, etc. And maybe drop a few of those kachoris into someone’s purse.

diwali-greeting
If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em

If none of those work, gear up and eat! It’s probably the only time you get to stuff yourself with goodies. Plus, it’s their way of nourishing you with their love. Once you have gelusil on standby, put on your elastic pants and dig in!

 

Illustrations by Vasudha Srinivasan

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Shubh

Fascinated by the natural world, Shubh loves spending time outdoors. You may also find her scribbling away in her little book, thinking out loud or greedily staring at cake. For more of her musings, check out her blog - Junglewoman. Other articles by this author

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