A Comic Diwali Guide
Shubh | October 28, 2016
There’s many things that make us proud to be Indian – our rich heritage, cinema, Kapil Dev and our invention of various mathematical concepts. Speaking of which, how many of us can solve this equation?
Indian food + large families = ________. Take a moment and think about it. Ok chalo, your moment is up! Here’s the correct answer:
We’ve all been there at some point – sitting at the plastic-covered dining table, having food piled onto our plates and answering questions about marriage plans.
Questions and food seem to pile on together, with an occasional comment of, “you’re not eating anything…! Here take another poori…”
You try to resist but the words fail to come out from your rice-stuffed mouth. So, here are 8 ways to survive overfeeding relatives. Because when their love begins to overflow … so does your stomach.
Still have that pair of cameo-print cargos? Use those pockets and ammo up with those pooris. The oil stains will be the victorious wounds of your battle. Plus they’ll just add more cameo-prints.
“I have stomach flu, so I can’t eat too much…” is a sentence that may work. Or you may end up having to eat freshly prepared khichdi, with glistening layers of ghee. You know… for energy and health.
Sure, this may invite a few awkward stares (and even questions), but this would rule out majority of the dishes. Then you would be the antisocial one enjoying crunch-time with microwaved papadums.
Use those buccal pouches! Chew and store that excessive chapati in your cheeks. If they ask, say you’re having an allergic reaction. Maybe then they’ll stop … right after pinching your golu molu cheeks.
Sit next to that cousin – the one with a great appetite. They’ll probably understand your pain and relieve you of it. Have your own little food exchange.
Dieting-vyting can raise a few eyebrows from aunty-jis, followed by a critical analysis of “this generation”. But it will give you the upper hand on controlling what goes onto your plate AND in what quantities.
Channel the episode when he ordered steak tartare. Shove those spongy rasmalais into any cavities you find – the flower jar, under your plate, salt and pepper shakers, etc. And maybe drop a few of those kachoris into someone’s purse.
If none of those work, gear up and eat! It’s probably the only time you get to stuff yourself with goodies. Plus, it’s their way of nourishing you with their love. Once you have gelusil on standby, put on your elastic pants and dig in!
Illustrations by Vasudha Srinivasan
Looks like you made a move and your account activated successfully!